10.  Life is sexually transmitted.

9.  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8.  Men have two emotions:  hungry and horny.  If you don’t see him with an erection, make him a sandwich.

7.  Give a person a fish, and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet, and they won’t bother you for weeks.

6.  Some people are like a Slinky…not really good for anything, but you can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5.  Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

4.  All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

3.  Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut save you $0.30?

2.  In the 60’s people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And the Number 1 thougt…

1.  “Life is like a jar of jalepenos.  What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.”