Hi, my name is Sarah and I’m a shopaholic. 

I don’t know if this is really the right definition of a shopaholic, but I think my only saving grace is that I know that I can’t afford the things I truly covet.  I long to feel the soft leathery goodness of a Coach purse in my hands.  I would love to own a beautiful pair of Christian Louboutin shoes with the trademark red soles; I long for these even though I would most likely never wear them because I’m about as graceful as a linebacker in high heels.  I drool at the thought of possessing anything with the Tiffany insignia on it, preferably draped in diamonds and a platinum setting. 

I see the finer things and realize that I will never in a million trillion years ever be in possession of them.  I refuse to go into some really serious debt for these things.  I know this, and yet…

I stalk the pages of eBay wondering if anyone would be willing to part with these treasures at some kind of discounted price.  I flip through the pages of Amazon hoping that there is a way that these beautiful baubles could be mine.  I look through Craig’s List to see if someone is going through a bad break up, rejected marriage proposal or the final purge of their possessions in the hope that someone will pay enough for them to be able to pay a bill or two while they wait for another job comes along.  I am hoping that someone else’s misfortune could benefit me in some way, shape or form.  That just feels wrong.

My desire for finer things has never put me in possession of them.  I have a small Coach clutch, but I’m pretty sure that it is fake.  The price I paid for it would tell me that this is a fact.  Yet I still treasure it deeply, because in my heart I believe that it just might be a real Coach purse.  It’s like everytime I would go to a flea market believing that I had found the Prada paradise and hit a jackpot only to realize that there is no way in hell that a real Prada purse would sell for $50, and then still have the label fall off like two hours after the purchase. 

My Amazon page is a testament to the things I would love to get my grubby little hands on.  It is filled with purses, jewelery, make up, books, movies, CD’s, video games, electronics and collectibles that I will not be able to get anytime in the near future but I still look at them online anyway.  I get emails from Amazon, eBay and Overstock.com telling me that if I liked this item then I might like this other item.  Well, of course I would but that doesn’t mean that I could afford to buy either of those things.  No matter how much it’s price has been reduced, it’s still out of the affordable price range. 

Therefore in order to absolve myself of the pain of not being able to afford designer items, I go to my Holy Lands (Ulta, Sephora, Target, etc.) and load up on things not designer but not off brand either. 

I can’t seem to make myself go cheap on my make-up.  I’ve tried, but once I found something that I loved it was too hard to go back.  Since I can no longer afford the make-up that I know and love, I squirrel it away and save it for special occasions choosing to leave the house it cheap imitation or none at all.  I continue to buy expensive nail polish for reasons that I can’t really justify other than loving the particular colors that are available.  It’s not like I’m doing my own nails so I can’t say that I’m spending more because it covers better because let’s face it, I’m going to go home after getting my nails done and add another coat of the color anyway just because I don’t think it’s dark enough or covered enough.  It’s what I do.  The worst part is, I think I only use these colors once or twice a year and that is becoming less and less due to the fact that I continue to buy more and more every year.  

I buy more anti-aging stuff than I most likely need, but I tell myself that I have nice, soft wrinkle free skin because of the serums, lotions and creams that I have been buying since I turned 25.  I have at least eight different kinds of hand and body lotions because I’m determined to find the perfect balance between silky soft and non greasy.  None of it is scented either because I’m allergic to anything with scent in it.  Yet when I got my two recent tattoos and the guy told me to use lotion after the two days of Neosporin cream, I went to my local Walgreens and I bought new lotions because I didn’t want to do anything to ruin the tattoos.  Yeah, the eight I already had at home would have been just fine. 

I hated Crocs when I first saw them.  Then I tried on and bought one pair.  Now I basically have them in every color in the rainbow.  Plus those little hole fillers to go with them.  I wasn’t able to stop at one color that would work with everything I own.  No, I had to have a color that represented my favorite football teams and my favorite colors.  Then I had to have the Jibbitz to again represent my favorite football teams, hobbies, holidays, activities, animals and of course cartoon characters.  Of course because I’m a freak like this, I couldn’t wear the shoes that are good year round so I bought the Croc sandals.  It never stops.  It’s a vicious circle.   

I still buy books when I live within comfortable walking distance of my local library (and it’s not like I don’t have the comfortable shoes to get me there).  I don’t go because I still feel anger towards the way that working in a library made me feel.  Again, my Amazon account is a testament to this reading bender that I tend to go on.  I continue to buy TV show seasons on DVD even though I didn’t particularly enjoy them when they were actually on TV.  I look at my stacks and piles and shelves lined with these things.  I read/watch them all once and then put them away never to look at them again, but because I enjoy the thrill that owning them gives me, I won’t part with them. 

I buy jewelry so often that you would think that I’m actually buying it to wear it somewhere.  I have more necklaces, earrings, watches and rings than I actually know what to do with.  Every time I buy a new one, I take the last one I was wearing and I put it away in one of my (get ready for it) eight jewelery boxes.  These items are rarely ever seen again until I’m looking at all the places where I stash jewelery and then wonder what the hell is in them.  I go through them, look at them, remember and then either trash the chains that are broken/tangled or put everything back to be forgotten about for another year. 

My shopping compulsion is a dedication to excess.  All because I love the momentary thrill that buying these items gives me.  It’s usually when I get up to the check out counter that the buyers remorse begins.  Yeah, I haven’t even bought them yet, and the remorse begins.  You think that I would take that as a sign to, I dunno, put everything back.  No, instead I stand there sweating over it and second guessing my choices.  Wondering if I should; put away the wallet because I already love the wallet that I own, or put away the big jar candle because I already have six back ups at home and only four rooms to put them in, or the pen because what am I going to do with a disposable pen when I have beautiful refillable pens waiting for me in both my purse and at home.  And then I realize that I’m next and it’s basically too late to leave the line now (no, it really isn’t) so I go ahead and make the purchases only to immediately go home and hide what I’ve done from my husband.  The idea of returning the items really never enters my mind, because that would just be too embarrassing.   By the way, those items only get hidden for like a day and then I get too excited over them again and end up showing everything to him one at a time on different days, but never ever in the same week because I can’t let him now how bad the addiction has gotten. 

It doesn’t matter if I bought every single one of those things on sale or clearance or at a closing out price.  The fact is that I bought them.  I bought something stupid and useless when I could have bought something that we really needed.  Even telling myself that I bought the stuff that we needed before I bought stupid and useless first doesn’t relieve the guilt that I feel for buying the items in the first place.  The fact that I get a rush when I go grocery shopping with my husband and knowing that I snuck in something that’s just for me, is enough.  I stand there at the check out with him none the wiser while I sweat over whether or not he’s going to see my humidity resistant hair spray (um, yeah right) and say anything about it and when he doesn’t, I feel the rush. 

I guess I should be happy that this isn’t a drug addiction or alcohol addiction, but still…

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, what gets your heart racing?

Have you ever been in the shower (nope not the question yet) and finished shaving one leg only to look down at the other one and think, for the briefest of moments, I’m too tired to shave the other leg?

And in that oh so brief moment, you also think, who would notice?  I’m planning on wearing pants.

Don’t worry, I shaved the other leg.

I went to Marshall’s this weekend.  I decided that I needed/wanted a new purse (could I possibly be anymore of a girl?). 

I’m standing there admiring a purse and I obviously wasn’t moving quickly enough because some chick comes darting past me with her shopping cart.  I had moved out of her way, but in the process she had stopped right in front of me and grabbed the purse that I had been looking at.  She picked it up, looked at it and then threw it into her shopping cart.

I’m relieved and disappointed. 

Now, because of her certainty, I want the purse.  And of course it was the last one. 

May the hunt commence.  Looks like I’ll be going to a different Marshall’s today.

Shopping for me is like a mental marathon.  I go to the store, let’s say Target, for a few simple things that I know I will find there for less money than I would at a grocery store.  Plus there is a Starbucks there, so it’s like a 2 for 1 deal for me.  Please, join me on my walk through Crazyville.

Writer’s note:  This conversation is wholly one sided.  There is no one with me.  I am talking to myself, sometimes out loud but usually in my own head.

I walk into the store and immediately decide I’m just going to walk around and kill time.  I like to browse.  Browsing is where the trouble starts.  I make it to the jewelry and handbag section and I might as well hand over my credit cards.  The longing starts.  I’m shamelessly addicted to jewelry and handbags.  Funny considering I’m a tomboy at heart, with a psuedo Goth girl exterior.

Ah, there it is, the object of my new affection (insert object here).  Of course it isn’t on sale.  Why would the object that I now want and feel like I can’t live without be on sale?  That would be craziness.  How would Target get me to keep coming back?

Despite the fact that it isn’t on sale, I pick it up and put it in my shopping cart.

Ok, now I feel guilty.  I should put it away.  

But, it’s so pretty.  (I realize I’ve officially lost any males who read this blog, I am sorry for this.  I’ll try to do better next time.)

Ok, putting it in the shopping cart does not mean I have to buy it.  I’ll walk around, get the things I need and keep track of the amount I’m spending.  If it gets too high, then I’ll put (insert object here) back.

Yeah right, who am I kidding?

No, I’ll put it back and wait until it goes on sale.  If it never goes on sale than it has to go on clearance at some point, right?  I’ll just keep waiting.  (Notice this line of reasoning gives me a reason to constantly go back to the store.  This is ok because it’s right down the street from where my husband works.  It’s not a waste of gas if you’re in that area anyway.)

What if it goes on clearance, but it’s sold out?  (This is not a hint, it’s a challenge.)

At this point I am more than halfway through the store, I’m at the pharmacy section and just about done.  You would think that the guilt would either subside or just end.  It doesn’t though.  I’m still obsessing over whether to keep it or put it away.  I want the item, but I know the guilt I would feel if I did buy it.  The guilt I feel over buying it though is nothing compared to the days/weeks/months of OCD that will result in my eventually obtaining said object.  If I do manage to walk out of the store without the object I know I will immediatly go home and start searching for it on the internet, at what I hope will be a much cheaper price.  It usually doesn’t work out that way; once you figure in shipping and tax, it’s cheaper to buy it at the damned store.

Scenario #1:  I buy the object.  I am happy.  My husband is happy because I am not asking him “should I have bought it?” a hundred times a day.

Scenario #2:  I don’t buy the object.  I spend more time than is necessary looking for the object somewhere else.  I go back to the original store I found it at, and it’s no longer there.  Curses!  Sold out!  Must go to another store.  Great, it’s sold out at all of the stores.  Now I have to go back to searching online.  I know, I have family in other states.  I’ll call them and have them look for me.  Someone has to have it.  (Like I said, Sold Out is not a sign, it’s a challenge.)

Moral of the story:  9 out of 10 times I end up with the object.  Sometimes I pay full price, other times I get lucky and catch it when it goes on clearance. 

The real moral of the story:  It’s exhausting being me.

 I have a cat.  A psychotic cat.  A cat who will not let me go into the bathroom by myself.  I think she’s afraid that I’m going to somehow hurt myself.  Which actually brings up a funny story. 

One day I went into the bathroom with a cat underfoot, and I asked her (yes, I talk to my animals) if I needed supervision.  She looked at me as if to say “of course you do.”  I proceeded to to step into the garbage can.  I said ow, my husband laughed hysterically. 

Anyway, when I do close the door all I hear at the door are furious, furry beatings on the door.  Since my husband works during the day, I can usually do everything that I do in the morning with the door open.  This appeases the cat, and doesn’t freak me out when I hear the noises at the door.

So, one day I’m in the shower minding my own business.  The cat had been in the bathroom with me when I got into the shower, therefore I expected her to be there when I got out. 

Yeah, she was still in the bathroom with me.  Hell, she was in the shower with me.  And she appeared to have no problems with getting wet.  I on the other hand, did have a problem with a cat sitting in the shower with me and staring at me.  Maybe I need to learn to shower with a swim suit on? 

Whoever says that cats don’t like water, is a liar and must meet my cat.                                 

I’ve been tagged twice now, so I feel like I can no longer ignore it.  Not that I was going to ignore it, but…

So here it is, I’m tagging people (I hope, not feeling real confidant in my abilities tonight).  Really quick, I want to thank Allison from http://trixfiend.wordpress.com and Allison from http://allibean.wordpress.com (I really want to include these two people in the tagging, so I’m kind of cheating by having the links here).  I’m feeling a lot of love right now.  Since I don’t want to turn this into the Oscar’s of blogging, I’m going to get on with it.

The rules are:
* link to the person who tagged you
* post the rules on your blog
* share six non-important things/ habits/ quirks about yourself
* tag at least 3 people at the end of the post and link to their blogs
* let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

So, my people are:

http://justcuz.wordpress.com

http://nerdramblings.wordpress.com

http://paperspoons.wordpress.com

http://catherineeliza.wordpress.com

I realize I suck because I wasn’t able minded enough tonight to figure out how to link the peoples names, but that’s me.  Now let me bring on the freakish personality traits quirks (what a funny word quirk is).

1. I only wear blue jeans.  I will not wear black jeans or any other freaky color that the denim manufacturer’s come out with.  Only blue will do.  Why?  I honestly have no idea, it didn’t always use to be this way.  I used to live in black jeans but for the last 10 years of my life, I have only bought blue jeans.  This rule does not apply to dress pants, those can come in any variety of colors, but denim must be blue.
2. Most of my shoes are now Crocs.  The two pairs that aren’t Crocs are winter boots for when there is just too much snow and a pair of sneakers for random purposes.  For the longest time I could not understand why my girlfriend wanted me to try on Crocs.  I thought they were the ugliest shoes ever made, this just proves that looks can be deceiving.  During the winter, I will wear Crocs with fuzzy socks.  These are the kinds of socks that normal people probably wear as slippers or something to keep their feet warm at home during the winter.  I wear mine outside, and the funkier the colors the better they are.
3. Every single time I go to the store (grocery, Target, Walmart) I buy a stick of deodorant.  I now have about 16 sticks.  It’s one of those things where I’m walking around the store trying to remember what I’m there for and I happen down the deodorant aisle, and I can’t remember if I have an extra stick.  I think I’m afraid of running out and then being the smelly lady, but I really don’t have a sweating issue so I don’t know where this obsession comes from. 
4. Despite the fact that I am horrible at taking pictures (delayed reaction on my part) I buy photo frames like they’re going out of style.  I will buy them from anywhere I go to; Target, Kohl’s, the dollar stores…you get the point.  Now that I see it in print, I realize that the frames are a lot like deodorant.  I can’t go anywhere without buying them. 
5. If for some reason I decide not to buy something, I will obsess over it.  It’s like buyers remorse, in reverse.  I decide not to buy something, so I put it away.  This obsession starts the instant I make my other purchases.  I keep thinking about how much I wanted the object I put away.  It’s all I can think of until it drives me insane.  I research it on the Internet to see if I can find it somewhere else cheaper and if I can’t I rush back to the store I found it at originally.  I don’t even take it as a hint that maybe I’m not supposed to have it if it isn’t there when I go back.  I just step up the online shopping a notch until I find the item.  Once I get it I’m calm and happy…until the next time.  I imagine that this is what a drug addiction is like.
6. I like to be cold.  Not freezing, just a little cold.  I will open the windows in our apartment in the dead of winter just so I can be a little bit cold.  I think I like the layering up more than the being cold.  I think this is a funny thing because I was born in June, three days after the first official day of summer.