I’ve been doing a hell of a lot of complaining lately and I’m sorry for that. I promise that at some point (once the PMS for this month has passed) I will attempt to return to funny. But, until then, here I present this little nugget of information.
The balcony across from us is the place where stuff goes to die. I’m sure of it. The people who live in the apartment attached to this balcony use it as a storage area, I think. There is painting stuff from 2 years ago, a grill that doubles as a bird house, and there used to be a bed frame out there.
The grill is actually funny (ok, funny to me). Every year, the guy who lives there comes out and cleans out the grill. By cleans, I mean that he kicks the bird nest out and then closes the lid again. The birds only take this as a temporary eviction. There used to be a bowl from the one of two times that I have seen the grill actually being used for a grill. I think it was moved to inside the grill, and the birds must be living in it by now.
But, it is not the adults owners of this balcony that I really take issue with.
From the day we moved in (about 4 years ago) the kids who live in the place across from us have been throwing crap on our balcony. The hubs and I were pretty good about it at first. At first there was charcoal (weird since the grill is a gas one), then candy (still in the wrapper), and then toys started to show up. There is a hostage hanging from our railing and he is the largest one yet. It looks like one of those Power Ranger action figures, and it’s about 10-12″ tall. At first I had him propped up against the railing, to make it look like he was in jail. But, this past Halloween the hubs and I were decorating the balcony (there is usually a contest, and Halloween is my favorite holiday) and he decided to string that sucker up. He is hanging upside down and his arms are spread. Think of Jesus on the cross, but with a Power Ranger, and (I’m so going to burn in hell for this) hanging upside down. The hubs went to cut him down after Halloween and I told him not to, I fully intend on making a sign that says “Trespassers Beware.”
It’s funny, because since doing that, those kids haven’t thrown a damn thing on our balcony. On the downside, I’m starting to think that other people in the complex think we are some kind of Satan worshippers.
Sarah ~ I love your tactics! We get the neighbors balls in our yard all the time. I toss them back over the fence. From here on out I am going to build a display with them! Thanks for the suggestion.
Don’t get me wrong, at first we lobbed the stuff back. But then the items kept getting bigger and bigger. This damned doll could have broken the glass on our sliding door. We would have been responsible for replacing that. So, now I take hostages.
You’re presenting things like this UNTIL you can be funny? In that case, remind me to buy some Depends before I read your FUNNY stuff.
When I was an undergrad I lived in a big dorm complex, at one end of a big L-shaped group of apartment buildings. My girlfriend lived about two buildings to my right. Apparently, on the top floor of the building to my left some guys set up a big-ass slingshot and used to lob fruit at the buildings across the way. They did this until my girlfriend finally saw who was doing it one day.
All I know is that she stormed into my apartment and asked to borrow the humongous two-handed sword (long story, ask sometime) she gave me for my birthday a year before. I hauled it out, she popped a big chunk of melon or whatever onto the point of it and stormed her little ass off to confront the would-be-cannoneers. Given that she was 5′4″ or so and the sword was about 5 feet long, it was an interesting sight.
They didn’t do it no mo’.
Ok, I love my visualization. I can totally picture a 5′4″ woman with a 5′ sword. Hilarious. And um, yeah…why the sword? I mean, I get collections and stuff, hell I have a nice little knife collection going, but damn! Swords. You have awesome collections!
Oh, and thanks for the compliment. I always feel like I’m just being a world class whiny bitch instead of being funny.
I love it! It sort of reminds me of some guys I worked with that had mini-wars going on with action figures they had at their desk (don’t ask) and they got pretty creative with it. One day spiderman would have a noose made of rubberbands around his neck while he hung from the computer screen and the next day Mr. Incredible would be incased in a jello mold. Definitely keep the doll hanging and add the trespassers beware sign.
Your story is awesome. Mr. Incredible in the jello is so The Office. I love it! And, I do love not having crap thrown on our balcony anymore. We have decided that anything else that shows up will totally be strung up.
How Funny!
Are you sure you weren’t looking at my front porch?
Yeah, pretty sure. Is your front porch on the 3rd floor of an apartment complex in Chicago?
Well, you asked. It has a lot to do with all the time I spent on a MUD, as I describe in my biographies. She had some kind of catalog once that had museum replica stuff and I went ga-ga over it. She then bought me this huge-ass sword as a total surprise. She actually had to have her dad sign for it when it was delivered because she wasn’t 21. Funny.
I can’t say I have much of a collection. At about the same time I was doing lots of martial arts, so over the next year I picked up a pair of butterfly swords, a matched katana/wakizashi pair, and a wooden kata knife and suburito. I still have them all, but that’s it. I haven’t bought anything like it since I graduated college many a moon ago.
Now, more importantly…holy CRAP that image of Mr. Incredible incased in jello is hysterical! Sounds like a fun office.
Have you considered sending a ransom note too? (Written in blood, of course.)
You don’t need a blood soaked ransom note when they can see their toy hanging upside down. But, if anything else lands on the balcony I will keep that in mind. Maybe also sending pieces back to them?
MWA ha ha ha ha! *wrings hands maniacally*
that is all.
You have a plan…I can tell. Share please!
if i told you i would have to kill you.
My mind just goes crazy with wonderful things to make the neighbors go “hmmm…” Really, I should just write a post about how to make your neighbors think you are dangerous.
Appearing to be a devil worshipper to your neighbors is a good thing.
Very true. They were actually out on their balcony last week, and I finally heard the kids yelling for me to come out and give them their toy back. Luckily I was too sick to even think about going outside, let alone with a sharp object to cut said toy down. That Power Ranger is mine!
Sending you out a hug. I have missed you posting.